Telling family and...

Talking to adults in the family
Family means different things to different people. You may be part of a large, extended family or a small nuclear family – some people see their ‘family’ as not necessarily being their blood relatives, but rather the people they love and feel close to.

You may feel that your immediate family is your main support system, or you may have quite a separate lifestyle and a different support system. Whatever your relationship with your family, it is likely that you will have some anxiety about telling them that you are HIV+; and worry about their reaction you or you may want to protect them from painful feelings.

Remember that it is fine to take your time to think through who you want to tell and why you need to tell them. You may also want to think about how to tell them and what their reaction might be. It might be helpful to talk this through with someone you really trust or with a counsellor or helpline who can guarantee your confidentiality. Here at DAA we offer a comprehensive support service including family support and one to one counselling.

If your family live far away, perhaps in a different country, you may want to think about how best to tell them. It may not be possible to arrange a visit, in order to tell them in person. If not, decide whether it feels OK to phone or to write. What sort of feelings might the distance bring up for you and for them?

If you are a refugee or asylum seeker it may not be easy to make any sort of contact with your family. This can be an added loss, knowing you are far away from your relatives and community. This could make you feel particularly isolated, but help is available from community groups and a number of HIV organisations which offer support to people from a wide range of cultures.

There may be one ‘special’ family member who you feel particularly close to. This could be a parent, brother or sister, favourite aunt of close family friend. If there is, it might be useful to tell them first and ask for their support in breaking the news to the rest of the family.

Some things to bear in mind if you are thinking of talking to family members:

People in the family may experience a range of difficult emotions when they are told – like you, they could feel angry, guilty, frightened, helpless, denial, and shocked. Members or the family may also need support, information and counselling. Make sure that you’re not left coping with everyone’s feelings. Many HIV organisations offer support and counselling to partners, family members and friends – anyone who is closely affected by HIV.

There are no hard and fast rules about telling other people but: